Look Back, by Tatsuki Fujimoto: what it means to be an artist (personal narrative essay)

 The blinding light of my phone stung my eyes, contrasting with my dark room. It was so late it was technically early, and I was supposed to be asleep. Bored, but not tired, I scrolled around my phone looking for something to occupy my time for a bit, when I came across a random comic app. I glanced through their popular titles, and recognized one of the authors. Due to it’ short length, as well as my underwhelming options for what else to do, I clicked open the first page and started reading. 

As I turned to the next page, and then the next, I was captivated by the beauty in every single panel. I felt as though I could physically see the artist's work and heart through the drawing. This heartfelt feeling was only propelled by the story. The story featured two young artists, who became partners in making comics together. As the story progressed, I felt seen in an entirely new way, and I resonated with both the girls. The snarky Fujino, with her want for acknowledgement, and the shy Kyomoto, who desired to improve. Fujino helped get Kyomoto out of her room, and Kyomoto helped Fujino find her passion for art. Together, they formed a beautiful bond, both relying on each other, until Kyomoto reveals she's leaving to go to art school. The two fight, and stop talking. Kyomoto continues learning art, while Fujino continues making comics alone, until she finds out Kyomoto has died, and she regrets having ever become friends with her. She examines why she does art, thinking about how it’s hard, tedious work, and she remembers her days spent with Kyomoto, and remembers the happiness felt back then. She gets back to her desk, and starts working on her next comic. 

I stared at the final page, my face soaked in tears and snot. As an artist, I have faced many struggles. When I looked at the art of advanced artists and wondered why mine didn’t look as good, or when I couldn’t find motivation to draw. In these ways, Fujino is so incredibly relatable, and it makes you wonder why you should even continue. However, Kyomoto answers that question. She represents the joy and need to create felt by artists. When Fujino was lost, Kyomoto’s pure love and joy for art made her understand her own feelings for it. It is in this way that Fujino and Kyomoto represent the two sides of being an artist, and how both sides support and complement each other. That is why this book resonated so heavily with me and other artists, because it feels like such a personal and real portrayal of what it means to create. After processing for a moment, I got up, and started to draw. 

I have been an artist for my entire life. Since I was little, I always felt the need to create doodles or sculpt or paint. However, it’s easy to feel the need for validation, or to feel like your art isn’t good enough to continue, and it’s easy to quit. It often seems not worth it. I stopped drawing for a few years because I lost all motivation to draw, I saw it as meaningless, and didn’t think I was good enough. But I found myself back with my pen and paper, and decided to continue, not for other people to be proud, and not to be the best, but for me. I decided to let myself enjoy art. Reading that comic made me understand my art and why I create in a new way, and it made me really understand how I need to move forward. I started drawing every day, and setting goals, and even improving. Overall, my art, and my own self, has been marked by the beautiful story of Look Back.